She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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