my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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