I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
