i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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