I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
