it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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