Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
time to smoke my breakfast
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
