Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
