I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
