Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
