i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
