When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
