fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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