he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
