Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
whose parrot is this?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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