i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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