i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
