OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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