I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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