why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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