I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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