Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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