I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
