Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
