I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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