Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
