Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
