highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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