New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
