I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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