i just google imaged poop.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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