I wish I could teleport
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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