i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
