i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
