he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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