we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
