Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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