You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I touched a dick in church today
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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