she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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