Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
