Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck

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(647): View more from Ontario

look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.

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(636): View more from Missouri

It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.

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(812): View more from Indiana

We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.

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(714): View more from California

Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson

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