tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
