That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
