I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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