He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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