I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
