so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
