Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
