Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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