I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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