4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
