I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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