I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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