Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
