Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
