didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
