kristin has been a bad kristin
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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