got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dignity is for republicans.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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