my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
