we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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