I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
