He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You are a genius and a whore.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
