I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
