I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
