I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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