You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
